


Beneath the Surface

by Rhydnara



Category: Dragon Age (Video Games), Dragon Age: Inquisition
Genre: Crossroads, Eluvians (Dragon Age), Evanuris, F/M, Killer Whales, Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder - PTSD, Rite of Tranquility, SeaWorld, Sweet Welsh Dulcet Tones of Gareth David-Lloyd
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-11-20
Updated: 2019-11-27
Packaged: 2021-02-13 13:57:24
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 3
Words: 4,481
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21495415
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Rhydnara/pseuds/Rhydnara
Summary: "It was like walking through a world of Tranquil."It's been five years since the explosion at the Conclave. Despite meeting the man of her dreams and a happy marriage, Evelyn still can't stop thinking about the last time she saw the enigmatic, apostate elf.How can she live happily ever after if she's never trulylivedat all?
Relationships: Cullen Rutherford/Female Trevelyan
Kudos: 3





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> Despite what the summary may suggest, this is not a romantic tale. This is my attempt to make sense of Solas' plan and why he makes the decisions he does.
> 
> The title is a reference to a book by John Hargrove, one of the trainers interviewed in Blackfish, the documentary that heavily criticized SeaWorld for their treatment of killer whales.

_“Inquisitor,_

_The passage of these five long years seems but an instant in my heart, yet still ample cause for celebration…Tea soon?_

_-Solas”_

Cullen read the letter sitting on his desk for the fifth time, rubbing the back of his neck and sighing. It didn’t matter how many times he read it, the message still gave him a wracking headache. He looked up and glanced around the room, the softly flickering lights of the candles helping to ease some of the tension he kept held in his shoulders.

While it was no longer the organizing center of the Inquisition’s forces, his office was still imposing in its collection of various arms and armor, and the bookcases around the walls held an impressive array of books on the arts of war. In the years since the closing of the Breach and the gradual breakup of the Inquisition’s stranglehold on power, Skyhold had transformed into a mighty duchy pledged to Ferelden. That the Herald, now Duchess of Skyhold, was second cousin to the Queen of Ferelden provided all the diplomatic incentive necessary to convince the Exalted Council that this arrangement would be beneficial to Thedas. Negotiations had been difficult, but eventually an agreement had been struck and the Inquisition had pulled out of all fortresses and properties in Orlais.

As for the former Commander and Herald, Cullen and Evelyn had been contentedly married, enjoying each other’s company and providing mutual support since the traumatic events that brought them together. It had been hard adjusting to life missing a limb, especially coming from such an active lifestyle. But Evelyn’s good Tevinter friend had provided an innovative magical artifact that, when strapped to the stump of her upper arm, called forth a ghostly spirit of her missing limb. When paired with long sleeves and a glove, it was impossible to tell she suffered any injury at all.

But repairing the mental injuries was far more difficult. Cullen frequently found Evelyn sitting in front of the shattered mirror stored in a closet off of the Skyhold gardens. Despite his attempts at removal, she refused to part with it. 

While Cullen still did not fully understand the role these mirrors played and why they affected her so, he distinctly remembered cradling her broken body after The Iron Bull and Sera brought her back to the Winter Palace during the first Exalted Council meeting. Her memory had been temporarily shattered by whatever had happened on the other side and Bull and Sera were only able to give a partial account of the Qunari’s full attack plans and brief explorations of what they called the “Crossroads.”

Even years later, Evelyn had difficulty explaining everything they had seen within the mirrors. Wide valleys, floating islands, walls upon walls of bookshelves. He could never fully grasp what she was trying to portray, but the wonder in her eyes made him ache to understand. It was apparent she was still haunted by those images. And one line still echoed in his mind.

_“He said it was like walking through a world of Tranquil…”_

Cullen knew Tranquility. He had been present for several Rites of Tranquility, had helped perform many of them. At the time, he believed they were necessary. Now, he recognized it was akin to a lobotomy. So for someone to look at his life and view it as being as empty and pointless as _that?_

No. Every night, when he held Evelyn close in their great bed, his duchess tucked close to his side, he sent a fervent prayer to the Maker thanking him for their life together. The amazing good they had done – the amazing good they _continued_ to do – it was not Tranquility.

The great mabari curled up in a tight ball at Cullen’s feet lifted his silver-blue head and whined. Cullen reached down and scritched between the hound’s ears. Pinching the bridge of his nose and squeezing his eyes shut, he tried to make up his mind regarding the letter.

Leliana’s hand-picked replacement did a decent job of filtering the duchy’s mail, making sure Cullen saw anything particularly inflammatory first. It wasn’t that Evelyn couldn’t handle difficult news; it was that…she couldn’t handle difficult news. Evelyn had specifically asked that Cullen read her mail first in case anything shocking came through. Considering the amount of stress she was previously under, it was a simple favor that Cullen readily agreed to.

And it was a good thing, too, considering what currently sat on his desk. The spymaster hadn’t been able to authenticate the letter, and in all likelihood, it was a cruel joke sent by another pissed off Revered Mother. Divine Victoria was making few friends among the more orthodox Chantry members, and Evelyn was frequently a target of their ire. 

Still, despite Cullen’s personal feelings towards that bastard of an elf, the Duchess of Skyhold needed to know they had potentially been contacted by the apostate. Besides, she had specifically requested any new information regarding Solas be immediately forwarded to her. So Cullen scooted his chair back, careful not to disturb his canine companion, and picked up the letter. He’d given up wearing his armor around the Keep, but grabbed his sword lying by the door. He felt naked without some form of steel by his side. Judging by the time of day, he had a good idea of where his dear wife was.

###

The large mirror stood in front of Evelyn, its surface pulsating with languid swirls as if it were a lazy river. When Leliana first contacted her and reported that another Eluvian had been found in the Deep Roads, Evelyn had leapt at the chance to have it brought to Skyhold. A simple stone monolith then, it now hummed and vibrated with life. While she had no magical talent herself, constant communication with Dagna had brought the mirror into some semblance of working order. At least, it gave off the appearances of working order.

The surface of the mirror looked similar to the other Eluvians Evelyn had encountered before. The low frequency it emitted was the same, as well. But when she placed a hand against the object, it felt like bare stone. Little electrical shocks went up her spine when she used her spirit arm, but other than that, the Eluvian was refused to interact with her.

Evelyn sighed and stared up at the monolith. She had taken to sitting on the floor and contemplating the problem before her for at least an hour a day. With a snap of a finger she could shut it off and make it look like the broken mirror that was supposed to be in this room. If anyone asked, it simply looked like she was reminiscing about prior adventures. Or maybe even praying. Why she wasn’t in the chapel could be easily explained away as a need for quiet. 

Evelyn heard a knock on the door behind her. She quickly snapped her fingers and the surface of the mirror blinked out, leaving behind the cracked glass and bare stone of a broken Eluvian. She turned around and saw Cullen awkwardly holding a crinkled sheet of paper between his hands, his shoulders hunched. 

“You don’t look happy-” 

“Sweetheart, I have something weird-”

They both started at once, then stopped and laughed a little. Cullen rubbed the back of his neck and gestured, letting Evelyn go again.

“No, you first.” She nodded, and looked at him expectantly. Cullen walked into the room and shrugged his shoulders, holding out the letter.

“Leliana’s spy found this in today’s mail. I don’t know if it’s genuine, but I figured you’d want to take a look at it.” He knelt down, readjusting his sword, and took her hand. “You know I’m here for you, no matter what.”

Evelyn’s hackles rose at Cullen’s gestures. She tilted her head to the side and regarded him warily. She didn’t like it when he brought her news like this – it usually meant something bad had occurred. The last time this had happened, Dorian had been kidnapped outside Minrathous. Still, she hesitantly took the letter. She glanced at it and saw the name at the bottom.

_Solas_

As if on cue, the Eluvian crackled to life. Cullen sprang to his feet, nearly knocking Evelyn over. He backed up and drew his sword. “Evelyn, get away from that thing!”

When Evelyn stood up but didn’t move toward him, surprised anger entered his face.

“It’s not what you think,” she started.

“What do I think?!”

She took a step backwards, holding out her hand toward the mirror. There was a crackle of energy, something she hadn’t felt before with this particular mirror. But it called to her, and memories from the past bubbled up in her mind. Reminders of the last time she had walked through the Crossroads. 

“Evie!” Cullen cried, lunging forward. He dropped his sword and made to grab her, but his fingers closed on empty air. 

Evelyn was gone. The mirror flashed, and then there was only stone.


	2. Chapter 2

Evelyn Trevelyan had always been aware of Tranquility.

The Trevelyans of Ostwick employed a few Tranquil on their estate. They performed a variety of tasks; brewing healing potions, creating simple enchanted toys for the children, keeping the doors secure. They were cheap labor and the Circle Tower didn’t mind loaning them out to the esteemed Trevelyan family. But some of Evelyn’s earliest memories were of the nearly mechanical automatons moving about the property, single mindedly bent to their tasks.

Evelyn would dream about life as a Tranquil. The world would be completely devoid of color, a black and white landscape drained of clarity. Amorphous shapes floated in the semi-darkness, and as she walked through the fuzzy morass, all she could hear was a dull hum. Her friends and family would be hidden behind sealed glass barriers and, while she could hear their muffled cries, she couldn’t reach them. She’d bang on the glass and try her hardest to break through, but it wouldn’t yield. Eventually Evelyn would wake in a cold sweat and cry for her mother, who would hold and rock her gently, promising that only dirty mages could be made Tranquil. And Evelyn wasn’t a dirty mage.

Eventually the nightmares stopped. Evelyn came to view the Tranquil with pity instead of terrified horror. When the newly minted Inquisitor and her dear friend Cassandra discovered a laboratory devoted to the study of Tranquility and a possible cure near the Abyssal Rift, hope surged in her heart that another approach could be taken. But along with hope came the nightmares again.

Further inquiries increased the sickening horror she felt in her gut. The recollections of a man named Pharamond, who had had his Tranquility reversed, and had chosen death rather than be made Tranquil again. Instead of dreaming of a world devoid of color, she dreamed of a world devoid of _anything._ She was blind, deaf, and dumb, stumbling and staggering until she felt blinding pain eating her alive. Despite the victories they won on the battlefield, and despite the blossoming relationship with her Commander, nights where she dreamed of Tranquility left her gasping in fear. Cullen would try his best to calm her down, but as someone who still believed the Rite was preferable to Abomination, they had several bridges to cross before they could truly understand each other.

Defeating Corypheus, marrying Cullen, having the Anchor removed and disbanding the Inquisition, they all helped to reduce the stress she carried on her shoulders. Cassandra kept her in the loop regarding her research into reversing Tranquility, and the progress she was making seemed promising. But meeting Solas through the Eluvians and hearing his explanation, one line kept repeating in her mind over and over again.

_“It was like walking through a world of Tranquil.”_

Every time she heard his rhythmic voice in her mind repeating that line, bile rose in her throat. If he saw this world the same way she viewed the world of the Tranquil, then what must his world have been like?

How could she live happily ever after if she had never truly _lived_ before?

The question haunted her. So she had begged the new Divine to help her find another Eluvian, and hoped that maybe, if she made her presence somehow known, he would be able to _feel_ her need. Her yearning for knowledge. After all, that was how she had been able to win over his friendship. Her constant pestering for every little detail, everything he claimed to know about the Fade and spirits, had eventually broken through his defenses and they had enjoyed genuine companionship. Yes, most of it had been based on lies. But the actual knowledge he passed on to her had been real, and when the lies had been revealed, he admitted that the friendship had been real, as well.

Whether her methodology had been incorrect and Solas couldn’t sense her presence outside the Eluvian, or he simply chose to ignore her, Evelyn couldn’t be sure. But despite her best efforts, the mirror sat inert for months. That all changed when her husband showed her the letter.

###

Evelyn tumbled out of the Eluvian and fell into a disorganized heap on the ground. When she righted herself, she opened her eyes to see a pair of black strapped boots and ragged leathers before her. Looking up, a young man with shaggy blond hair and wide eyes stared down.

“Cole?” She asked, shocked to recognize the mysterious spirit before her. He had disappeared from Skyhold one day, leaving behind his iconic hat. To find him in the Crossroads, of all places, right on the other side of the very Eluvian she had been stalking? “What are you doing here?”

“You needed help. So I helped.” He reached down and offered a hand, helping Evelyn get to her feet. She brushed herself off and took a good look at him. The hollowness of his cheeks was gone, and he had taken on an otherworldly glow. Which made sense, seeing as how he now reflected the fact that he was an actual spirit. But the patchwork clothing and innocent, almost childlike quality was still there. This was a spirit of compassion, and her friend. But the way he phrased his words caught her attention.

“What do you mean you ‘helped?’ Did you allow me through?”

“Of course. You need to _know._ Do you still want that?”

Did Cole really understand what she was looking for? Had the strange young man she met five years ago been watching her all these months while she struggled to figure out the Eluvian, and just happen to notice her panic start to rise when she saw the letter Cullen had with him? Realizing that was exactly the sort of thing he would do, she nodded. 

“Yes, Cole. Please take me to Solas.”

A large grin spread across his face. He grabbed Evelyn’s hand and set off at a jog.

The paths before her looked a world apart from the last time Evelyn had come to the Crossroads. Before, they had been mere rubble, single lines leading to individual mirrors. Most of the Eluvians had been nonfunctional and she and her team had worked to get each one back online. Now, a vast and verdant field stretched before her leading to an array of portals, the sprawling network a testament to the flurry of activity taking place behind the scenes. Spirits flitted around the field and every now and then an elf would pop out of one mirror, scurry across clutching a stack of papers, and disappear again into another. Evelyn worried that they might be noticed; she felt exposed in front of so much activity. 

“What if they see us?” She whispered to Cole.

“Don’t worry,” he called back, speaking at a normal volume. “You’re invisible here, safe with me.”

“Really?” She whispered again. Evelyn turned around and waved at another spirit. When it drifted aimlessly away, she walked a little taller. Maybe the strange magic that helped people forget about Cole worked on her as well.

As they walked further along, the activity increased. They passed soaring towers of polished stone, elves busy at work setting up scaffolding to lay down fresh mortar and repair the damage eons of neglect had done to the constructs. Other areas consisted of timber lodges with sod rooves sloping down to the ground, cheery fires lighting their windows from within. Still more buildings consisted of strange crystal palaces floating in the air. And everywhere, elves were hard at work, hammering, sawing, plowing, casting complex spells, working, working, working. Some waved their hands or called out a greeting to Cole, but none gave any hint of noticing Evelyn.

Finally, Cole led her up a stone path to a wooden pavilion where someone had set up a long, low desk covered in scattered papers. Candles lined the desk, illuminating complex drawings and sketches of future building plans. An armor clad figure, lithe in form and face cast in shadow, stood leaning over the desk inspecting the drawings. From the steps below the pavilion, Evelyn heard them call down to her with a familiar voice.

“You should not have come.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Pharamond and his struggle with Tranquility is the main focus of Dragon Age: Asunder. It's a fantastic read and I highly suggest you check it out.


	3. Chapter 3

The light shifted and Evelyn saw that it was Solas who stood over the desk. He hadn’t changed much over the years, his armor still the shining gold she remembered. The same fur wrap was thrown around his shoulders, making his lithe form look much more impressive than the gangly apostate elf she had originally met. There also seemed to be a magical aura crackling around him, a stiff reminder that she was at _his_ mercy now.

Solas trained his eyes on Cole, who shrank back and nervously glanced at Evelyn. She only shrugged her shoulders, at a loss as to her next actions. Cole had dutifully brought her here, but she had no longer had the ability to protect him.

“I told you to ignore her. You have gone against my direct command.”

“She was in pain. I didn’t want to leave her.” Cole was shaking like a kicked puppy, turning away from the mage’s burning gaze. So Solas _had_ known she waited outside the Eluvian! 

Solas waved his hand and Cole disappeared. Evelyn jumped at the harsh action and then glared at the elf.

“What was that for?! You’ve been ignoring me!”

They stared at each other, trying to size each other up. But the flash in Solas’ eyes had Evelyn quickly backing down. He finally nodded his chin and Evelyn walked up the few stairs to stand in the pavilion. She glanced at the papers on the table and recognized Veilfire runes, dwarven script, and even a few lines of Qunari. She lifted an eyebrow in question. Solas simply waved another hand and the papers disappeared.

“You should not be here, Evelyn.”

She nodded to herself and then squared her shoulders.

“But I _am_ here. And I think you know why.” If he had known she was on the other side of that mirror, if he knew anything about her, then he knew she could never let an unanswered question go. 

“‘It was like walking through a world of Tranquil,’” Evelyn quoted.

Solas closed his eyes and drew in a deep breath. When he opened them again, there was a deep resignation in his face. “You wish to know what I meant.”

Evelyn nodded again. “What was your world like? How wonderful could it have been if it made my world look like…” she let her voice trail off. Like emptiness. Like a walking death.

Solas shook his head. “Evelyn, I can show you a version, but coming back to your world would be difficult. I do not recommend this. There is a reason I told Cole to leave you alone.”

“I don’t care,” Evelyn pleaded. “I can’t sleep, I can’t eat. I need to _know._”

“You will _**regret**_ this!”

A tear slid down Evelyn’s cheek and she pressed her eyes shut. She reached a hand up to brush off the tear and rested her forehead in her palm, desperately trying to control her fraying emotions. Evelyn felt a gentle tugging on her other hand and opened her eyes to see Solas giving her a sad smile. He squeezed her hand, told her to relax, and the pavilion disappeared.

_Evelyn was flying. She didn’t have wings or a tail, and when she looked at her feet they weren’t propelling her, and yet somehow she was flying. Soaring, leaping, rising in the sky._

_She glanced over and saw that Solas was gripping her hand tightly. She knew that if he let go, she would come crashing back down to the ground. But as long as she held on, she was safe._

_Above them, all around them, the sky burst with colors. But it was a rainbow that Evelyn hadn’t realized could exist. Every color she could name, and many more that she couldn’t. Colors more vivid than purple and more intense than red. Impossible colors, a feast for the eyes, they filled her and expanded in her mind. When she blinked they stayed with her and she found she couldn’t escape them but realized she didn’t want to._

_Looking down, Evelyn saw a lush green valley teeming with life, animals and plants pulsing with blood. She could feel their heartbeats along with her own and knew that every breath they took was synchronous, a vibrating chorus with the earth. Figures darted among them, creatures making love as they swirled and transformed from one to another, spirits joining in the dance of life. They flew up into the sky and became avian, wings stretched to fill with air, then came cascading back down again and dove into the sea, great cetaceans that splashed the water with their tremendous strength._

_They moved on and Evelyn saw a library with walls full of books, knew that if she wanted information all she had to do was brush a finger against the spine and it would be splayed out in front of her. Spirits, friendly sprites of curiosity and data, drifted from room to room to interact with people, flow in and out of conversations. Knowledge swirled through the light filtering through high windows as though it were dust, sprinkling down upon every figure in each room. Evelyn could stand on the floor and spin around and she would be coated in knowledge, drenched in it._

_The images started to come faster, swirling together. Trees, snow, cascading mountains, waterfalls that flowed upwards. She was spinning, couldn’t tell which way was up or down. Evelyn couldn’t breathe, couldn’t make sense of what she was seeing. Things condensed and spread out, white stars and supernovas all exploding taking place in an instant. There was a splitting pain in her head and she wanted to scream and cry and –_

Suddenly, everything _**lurched**_ to a stop and Evelyn found herself face down on a cool wooden floor. Someone was rubbing her shoulder and her breathing slowly returned to normal. When she opened her eyes, Evelyn found she was back in the pavilion. Solas was kneeling next to her, pity clouding his face.

“I don’t want to go back,” she blurted out.

“I know, da’len. But you have to. Even that small glimpse threatened to rip your mind apart.”

Evelyn laid her head back down and started to cry. She’d been right. Compared to the visions Solas had shown her, her life in Skyhold felt like nothing but shadows. The idea of going back through the Eluvians left a burning, bitter taste in her mouth. It was one thing to exist in that life when one never knew anything different. But now? When she had _seen_ what was possible?__

_ _“There must be another way. Please, Solas. _Please._” She wasn’t above begging._ _

_ _“Ir abelas, Evelyn. Those without an active connection to the Fade simply cannot comprehend the world of my past. Their minds tear themselves to pieces in the attempt and they die agonizing deaths. I will spare as many people that fate as I may. But in the meantime, you cannot stay here.”_ _

_ _Evelyn nodded. She picked herself up and sat down, drawing her knees up to her chin. She drew a shaky breath and tried to calm down. But the euphoric images wouldn’t leave her and she started to shake._ _

_ _“I can’t do this. I can’t go back.” She might as well throw herself into the Abyssal Rift._ _

_ _Solas dropped his chin in defeat and nodded. Reluctantly, he said “There may be another option.” Evelyn looked up at him with hesitant hope._ _

_ _“My people were capable of a special magic that allowed them to manipulate the memories of their subordinates. Mythal and I refused to participate, viewing the practice little better than mental rape. But in your case, I may be able to make it so you do not remember what you’ve seen here.”_ _

_ _Evelyn considered that. She wasn’t surprised the Evanuris had magic that powerful. Based on what she had gathered in the Temple of Mythal, it seemed logical that mind control was possible. But she didn’t like the idea of her own memory being altered._ _

_ _“What would happen to me?”_ _

_ _“Almost nothing,” he replied. “You would simply forget that you were ever here.”_ _

_ _“But I’ll just look for you again. That drive will be there.”_ _

_ _Solas sighed. “You wouldn’t find me, but I can remove that as well. But Evelyn, I do not do this lightly. I will only go forward if I have your express consent.”_ _

_ _Evelyn considered the offer. She looked down and took off the glove covering her spirit hand. The ghostly glow contrasted sharply with her living hand. After everything that had happened to her, could she really settle down into domestic life? Could she willingly have her mind castrated, lobotomized, Tranquilized, just to wait for the inevitable destruction that the falling Veil would bring?_ _

_ _But what choice did she have? Her friends waited for her on the other side. Cassandra, and Leliana, and Dorian, and…_ _

_ _And Cullen. And by Andraste’s left tit, she loved that man. If she didn’t take Solas’ offer, she would be abandoning Cullen. How could she ever justify doing that? She couldn’t, and there never was any question that she might._ _

_ _Evelyn squared her shoulders and looked Solas straight in the eyes._ _

_ _“I consent.”_ _

_ _###_ _

_ _Cullen stopped banging on the broken mirror and was just about to run for help when the surface turned silvery. He stepped back, and watched as Evelyn tumbled out. He was quick enough to catch her before she smacked into the floor._ _

_ _When they righted themselves, Evelyn blinked up at him, then turned around and looked at the Eluvian. It had turned back into a broken heap of glass._ _

_ _“Why do we keep that thing around? Let’s get rid of it.”_ _

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I never thought I'd be advocating genocide, but when Solas compared the waking world to Tranquility, I started to think about the fate of captive killer whales. Can you really call what they do _living?_ They're stuck in tiny pools with no sense of the rich social culture or language they enjoy in the wild. Their lifespans are significantly shorter, and they are completely reliant on their keepers. They frequently face violence from one another, and often meet agonizing ends.
> 
> Wild captured killer whales face even worse fates. Many of them batter themselves to death against the walls of their tanks, unable to cope with the loss of their wild lives.
> 
> If you imagine a world where there are no wild killer whales, only captive ones, wouldn't you do anything you could to bring back the wild ones? It's heartbreaking that the captive ones would die, but as I said, can you really call what they're doing living? If you showed a captive killer whale the possibility of the wild, and then took it away from them, what would they do?


End file.
